Goodbye
by lilAzIaNpride24
Summary: "What are you doing to me?" ... It was like he was disconnected from his body; it was like he had no control over what he was doing. "Falling in love with you." (An AU version of what I would've liked to have happen in the beginning of "Spoils of War". Tag to that amazing deleted scene.)


**Hey guys! I'm back with another Densi fic. 14 more days until the season premiere! I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait to see the ensuing love triangle. I just love ****Mercedes Masöhn. (_Chuck_ is forever!)**

**So, this has been on my hard drive for weeks, maybe even months and I didn't know what to do with it. It was supposed to be a multi-chapter fic, but I didn't really like the concept. I reread it and I loved the small moments and the initial ideas that sparked the multi-chapter fic so I changed it into a one-shot and made it an AU version of what I liked to have happen in the beginning of "Spoils of War". And speaking of which, this was sparked by that awesome deleted scene in "Spoils of War". **

**I'm kind of experimenting with this writing style, so please cut me some slack if it turns out to be ehh.**

**But, I sincerely hope that you do enjoy this fic.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _NCIS:LA_ nor any of the characters. **

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><p>He had been called into OSP at three-in-the-morning. He doesn't know what the hell was going on.<p>

He's leaning on the side of the table in shorts, flip-flops, and a gray sweater as he gives out a yawn. His hair is tousled and his eyes are heavy with sleep. Callen and Sam stand behind the center control table while Eric and Nell stand off to the side clutching their tablets in their hands.

"So, why is it that we were called in here at three-in-the-morning?" Deeks asks as he looks over at Eric and Nell. They give each other a timid glance and he's suddenly confused about what's going on.

"It seems we have a problem, Mr. Deeks. Ms. Blye isn't answering the assigned sat-phone I entrusted to her. Has she contacted you recently?" Deeks turns around at Hetty's silent arrival.

Sam and Callen try to process this new information while Deeks shakes his head and asks, "What the hell is going on, Hetty? Is Kensi okay?"

They five of them turn to her as she makes her way to the center of the Ops room with her hands clasped behind her back. She nods to Nell.

The intelligence analyst brings up a picture of Kensi's official NCIS photo and says, her voice shaking, "As of 72 hours ago, Special Agent Kensi Blye disappeared into the mountains east of Khost, Afghanistan."

"Woah, woah, woah. What do you mean disappeared?" Deeks is suddenly awake now.

Nell ignores him though and continues, hurriedly, "The mission is to locate and rescue Agent Blye."

"We're going to Afghanistan." It's not really a question, rather it's a statement as Deeks straightens up and tries to control the emotions threatening to blow its way to the surface.

Hetty nods her head when Eric states with a mixture of terror and confusion laced in his voice, "I just received an email. From Kensi. But, it needs a password to encrypt it. I'll start on cracking it." Eric places his tablet next to keyboard and starts typing.

"Nell, did Kensi tell you anything?"

She shakes her head, "I haven't heard from her at all." She turns her attention to Eric as she stands beside him, looking over his shoulder. "You crack it, yet?"

Confusion enters Eric's face once more as he swivels his chair towards them. He gets up and walks towards the big screen as he says, "Its voice activated."

"Great, so the one person that can unlock it isn't here." Sam throws his hands in the air for emphasis.

"Wait," Callen says. "Why would she send the email to us if she didn't know one of us could crack it?" That creates questions in the rest of the team's minds. "Eric, is there a clue to the password?"

Eric nods, "Yeah. It's really weird though." He swipes his tablet upward and suddenly, Deeks' can't breathe.

Eric reads the password clue to them as it appears on the big screen and unconsciously, Deeks reads along. _What are you doing to me?_

"Anybody know what the password is?" Sam asks as the team tries to rack their brains for something, anything that could open the file.

The team shakes their heads, "Can't you bypass it or something?" Callen asks Eric, but he shakes his head no. "It's heavily encrypted. I don't even know how Kensi could even do that."

Sam turns his head towards Deeks and says, "You of all people must know the password. You're her partner."

And idea sparks in Callen's head as he suggests, "What about KINGOFTHEWORLD? It worked on her computer last time we had to access a file.

"That makes no sense, G. Deeks?" Sam calls. He doesn't respond. "Hey, you okay?" It was like he was frozen in place, staring at the words on the screen.

Deeks' breathing hitches as he recalls the night in his head.

_They're kissing fervently, hands all over the place – hers, in his hair and his, splayed across her back, holding her close to him. He can't believe that this is happening. He's kissing Kensi Blye. He's__** kissing**__ Kensi Marie Blye, his badass, amazing, gorgeous partner. _

_He leads them towards his bedroom or maybe she's leading him – he doesn't know or care for that matter._

_They pause when the back of her legs hits the end of his bed and she falls, pulling him down with her. They laugh for a good minute and he decides then and there that her laugh is probably the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. Her hands are in his hair now, intertwining her fingers in his blonde locks and suddenly, she has this serious look on her face. _

_She's staring at him with those gorgeous mismatched eyes and there's this emotion that passes over her that he can't quite name. _

_"What's wrong?" He asks, his voice soft and low. _

_"You know if we do this, it changes everything." Of course he knows that and that's the beauty of it because if they do this, they become more than partners. He finally gets to say and do all the things that he's had to hold back over the years. But he also knows that this is something that they've been stumbling around for the past three years because of the fear that they might become different people. The fear that they'll become different. The fear that they might not work out. _

_"So what do you want to do?"_

_"I don't want to have to choose." She admits. He doesn't want to either, but he knows that that's a child's wish. _

_"Then don't, then don't choose. We don't choose." He says. _

_She's always been so hesitant of them and he can't blame her. He knows that her greatest fear is abandonment. Her mother (technically). Her father. Jack. But he knows if they finally end up together, he'll never leave. No matter what, he'll make sure of it. He doesn't know how someone could ever leave someone like her. _

_Sure, he has his own issues – a lot of them, he might add – but there was no doubt in his mind that he wanted her. Maybe just as a fling when they first started working together, but as the years passed by, he wanted more. He wanted a real relationship with her – still wants. And he hopes she wants it to. With him. He doesn't think it's possible for a woman like her to want him someone like him, let alone love him, but if by the crazy chance that she does, he won't hesitant to grant her wish._

_"You know that's not how it works. What do you think's gonna happen?" _

_"I don't know. I don't care."_

_"What are you doing to me, Deeks?" He can hear the cracking in her voice as she voices her question. He watches as tears well up in her eyes and as she clutches his shirt tightly in his hands. And this time, she's the one to initiate things. She pulls him down towards her and crashes her lips to his, her hand reaching up to play with his curls._

His heart pounds in his ears as he slowly walks to the front of the big screen and taps the big START button. It was like he was disconnected from his body; it was like he had no control over what he was doing.

"Falling in love with you."

The rest of the team is taken aback by his words, but it does the trick.

The black screen fades out and a still frame of Kensi's face flashes onto the screen. She's sitting on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed in heavy layers and she doesn't look like herself. There's some sort of fishnet attached to a wall which he presumes is to place stuff in behind her and he can make out the travel-size book he had gotten for her after she had miserably failed at making soup, Cooking For Dummies, and for a second, a small smile appears on his face. _She's thinking of him just as much as he had been thinking about her._

Eric presses the play button on his tablet and the video starts.

_"If you're seeing this, it means that I couldn't stop it from sending."_

Eric looks over at Nell and can see the start of tears forming in her eyes.

Deeks watches as Kensi gulps and looks away for a split second, brushing the tears away from her eyes.

He can feel his heart start to break.

_"It was a pleasure and an honor to work with you guys."_

She pauses for a second and looks down before looking back up and continuing,_ "I was asked to kill a man named Jack Simon. I knew Jack Simon; he was a profoundly good man. Now he's being hunted by the CIA. So, I'm headed to the desert to find out what the hell is going on. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I'm pretty sure, you guys are going to go and find me and I know whatever I say won't make much of a difference, but I need you guys to be careful. If this is the last time, I get to speak with you guys, then I need you all to know how much you guys mean to me."_ He voice cracks and suddenly, there's tears forming in her eyes.

_"Hetty, I need thank you for everything. For giving me a chance; a life. And I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for everything you've done for me. So, just thank you." _Deeks looks over at Hetty and she can see how Kensi's words have affected her. Hetty doesn't show it, but he can definitely sense it.

_"Callen, Sam. Thank you for protecting me and for always having my back. Thank you for caring and becoming my family and for becoming my big brothers. Thank you for instilling your wisdom in me and for putting up with my crazy habits. And everything else."_

_"Nell, thank you for being there. Thank you for becoming my best friend and for listening to me ramble. Thank you for supporting me and letting me unwind with you. I know that you'll become the best at whatever you do and a hell of a field agent. I'm grateful that I had you in the team because who else am I going to talk to about my girl problems?" _Kensi's eyes are full of tears and so are Nell's. A smile radiates off both of them as they each recall memories from their get-togethers and late night discussions. _"Just promise me that you'll keep your word because I don't think I'll be able to keep mine."_ A blush overtakes Nell's face as she glances at Eric and in the next second when she sees Deeks in the corner of her eye, it's replaced by sadness.

_"Eric, thank you for saving my ass more times than I can count. You may not be a field agent, but you do the brunt of the work and I know for a fact that it's true when I say this, 'The team and I owe you our lives and you're the best technical operator anyone can ever ask for.' I mean, you broke the internet! Who else can do that?!"_ She takes a pause as her tone turns gentle, _"I want to thank you for being my friend and I need you to promise that you'll take care of Ununoctium for me."_ Deeks watches as a tear rolls down Kensi's cheek and how Eric gives Nell a tentative look. It's beautiful, really.

_"Deeks." _A smile dances its way across her features as she repeats his name and starts her message, _"Deeks. I don't even know where to start. You've been my rock and someone I can lean on. You've taught me how to trust and how to love. You've put up with my stupidity and terrible humor and my over-active sweet tooth. You've been there for everything and I'm sorry that I don't get to say this face-to-face."_ She pauses, exhales slowly, and wipes tears from her face. Deeks doesn't notice that tears streak his face as well.

_"I'm grateful for having someone like you in my life. And I know it hasn't been easy for you to deal with me, so thanks for sticking around."_ She lets out a small laugh and continues, _"There's so many things I don't get to say or do or resolve, but I hope this story might make up for it."_ He doesn't want to hear the story because if he does, this'll be real. And he desperately wishes that this is a dream. That he'll wake up any moment and find Kensi lying next to him peacefully against his chest as she snores soft piglet-like snores.

_"There's a girl standing on the edge of a frozen lake and she looks over at the center where a boy stands straight and tall. She takes a step and she can hear the crackling of the ice as she takes another step. But she doesn't care. She takes another step and another and another and she's finally at the center. The boy is there giving her a wicked grin and holds his hands out to her. He can see the ice cracking around them. The girl puts her hands in his and she can feel his thumbs drawing circles in her skin. The girl asks 'Are you sure?' and the boy replies, 'No.' She doesn't care, though because she trusts the boy. The ice is cracking under them and before she knows it, they're on the other side, her on top of him. He brushes her hair out of her face and smiles."_ The video ends there and there's an eerie silence in the room. Only the whirring of the computers can be heard.

Deeks walks out.

**.**

Sam finds Deeks sitting on one of the benches on the second floor of the Mission when he comes to look for him. He has his phone in his hands and tears streak his face. Slowly, Sam makes his way over to Deeks and sits next to him.

"Wheels up in twenty. Get your go-bag." He doesn't say anything else.

Deeks speaks after a good five minutes of silence. "This was set on a time delay too." Deeks leans back against the bench and hands him his phone.

It's a text from Kensi.

_I love you too. _

His heart breaks for the detective. "I know how you're feeling."

Deeks snorts, "I highly doubt that."

Sam stays silent for a while and then admits, "When Michelle was taken by Sidorov, I couldn't breathe. It was like I was drowning. I was suffocating and no one was there to save me."

"But you knew who took her. You knew where she was."

"And Kensi gave us the information we need to find her." When Deeks doesn't reply, Sam assures him, "We'll find her."

Sam motions to stand up when Deeks says, "What if it's too late?" His voice is cracking and he's pretty sure that Sam picks up on that, but he doesn't say anything.

The bigger man stops walking and says, "I highly doubt that."

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><p><strong>AN: So? How was it? Please review! It means a lot!**


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